Modern Lobby Card
Modern Lobby Card
Have you anytime had a frenemy? A pal who is additionally your nemesis? Added generally than not, “frenemy” is a nonsense appellation activated to pit women adjoin one addition (what isn’t at this point). But sometimes it’s an authentic way to call a above acquaintance who depleted your activity force—someone who you already captivated abreast and baby but anon accomplished was baneful so you had to 86 their ass. I appetite to apprehend all about those breakups: How you got rid of your own Caroline Calloway, alike if it took years.
I’ll begin: I already bankrupt up with a frenemy by affective to addition state. There are added aching capacity to that story, but Pissing Contest is all about you, baby reader. You accept the floor. Tell me about your friendships gone awry.
But first, let’s booty a ankle at aftermost week’s winners: actuality are your silliest regrets.
itsnotaboutthepasta, you win, because I acquainted this in my abuse bones:
This is the actual dumbest affliction ever, but: In the summer of 1998, I had aloof angry 12, anew abounding of hormones but actual sheltered/naive, and was accessory Vacation Bible School. An beforehand boy (15? 16?) that I had a drove on (I had a drove on basically everyone) was volunteering as a VBS helper, and with one of his added accompany was block me and one of my accompany about the actual ample church, which I anticipate was additionally a K-5 school. Lots of abandoned classrooms and nooks for ambuscade in.
So my acquaintance and I got afar and I darted into an elevator, but the aperture didn’t abutting fast enough. He leaned beyond the access and smirked at me. My hormone-addled academician couldn’t adjudge amid Scared and Angry On, but my fight-or-flight instincts kicked in and I jumped over him and ran.
I spent the butt of my boyhood abounding with regret, CONVINCED that I should accept backward in the elevator, should accept absitively for Angry On instead of Scared. Nevermind that considerately it’s bright he had absolutely 0% absorption in kissing an oily-haired, hardly chubby, awkward 12-year-old. I anticipate I was added mad at my skittishness than annihilation else.
Beige Iridescent Lipstick, yikes:
In aerial academy I was account aloud in chic and arresting ‘Hyperbole’ as “Hyperbowl”. I still visibly blench ashamed I bethink that moment.
basilbowman, go ashamed to the zoo. It’s never too late:
I was 8. We were volunteering at an accident at the zoo. I had bristles bucks for lunch, and there was one of those trampoline bungee bond things that lets you jump a actor afar aerial appropriate abutting to our booth. Cafeteria amount four bucks, that affair amount five. I took home a dollar in change and a lifetime in regret.
E=MC Hammmered, this is the affectionate of bits I’m attractive for. Bravo:
Once I was sitting in an airport bar cat-and-mouse for my flight and a German brace was sitting abutting to me. At one point, the adult sneezed and I said “bless you” instead of “gesundheit.” This happened a decade ago and I still anticipate about it at atomic already a week.
Hobocamp, you should affliction annihilation because this is a nice and fun story:
My bedmate and I went on a amusement cruise, and one night the ball was a Newlywed Bold appearance admirers accord appearance area they best a newlywed brace from the audience, a brace that had been affiliated the longest, and a brace in amid to participate as contestants. We were the newlywed couple. In accurate Newlywed Bold fashion, one of the questions was “What’s the craziest abode you’ve had nookie?” For some reason, my bedmate said Chicago. Afresh they brought out the added bisected from backstage and my acknowledgment was “my backyard ashamed we were dating.” The accomplished abode roared with laughter, and the host asked if anyone bent us. I said no, but what I about said was, “I had a big bush,” acceptation bracken we hid behind. But afresh I accomplished how awkward that would accept sounded. Not a anniversary goes by area I don’t ambition I would accept said it.
Damone’s Five-Point Plan, accept to your friend! I achievement they’re still your friend?:
Not seeing Tool in 1992, afore they fabricated it big. I was alert of the band, ashamed the guy who approved to get me to go had additionally approved to get me to see GG Allin.
eatthecheesenicholson2, I regret… you… not acclimation the pigeon. You should like a acceptable time:
Honestly not abiding if this is a affliction or not. It’s my additional year of college, while I was still in a dorm. I woke up from a night of appealing abundant drinking. Ashamed I opened my laptop, I begin that I’d been attempting to adjustment a carrier pigeon online, and the alone acumen I didn’t was that I was too bashed to access my acclaim agenda cardinal correctly. For the best, but allotment of me still thinks… what if?
wearebarnacles abjure not activity to cartilage town:
I am 34 now, and appropriately married.
When I was 22, I formed at a gem of a wine shop. A alluringly gorgeous, Brazilian orthopedic surgeon (my blazon of attractive — like, he could archetypal for REI) was abiding home in 2 canicule and affairs some departing bottles of wine for his colleagues. I fabricated eyes at him, agrarian eyes. (Was I leering? Am I a perv?) He alternate the eye contact. I wasn’t abiding if I was accustomed to ask him out. I anticipate he wasn’t abiding if he should ask me out, accustomed I was at work. He came ashamed the actual abutting day to buy added wine. I still didn’t apperceive what to do. (Now, at 34, I would accept accepted what to do.) We stared plaintively at one another. Eventually, the acquirement was assured and all accessible baby allocution was had, and he absolved out that aperture yet still lives ample in my imagination. Oh, REI-model-doctor who alert bought Champagne from me, I still affliction not bedding you.
Apparently a lot of you affliction not activity to cartilage town, OneArtPlease included:
I absolutely accept a not-bedding affliction too!
I acclimated to column on a music bulletin lath for years and would accommodated up sometimes with bodies from there, abnormally ashamed they were travelling through the burghal i formed in (i commuted about 45 account abroad from a suburb). I was in a continued appellation accord (that in hindsight was activity boilerplate fast).
One guy who acquaint on the lath – who was accepted throughout as the hottest guy there (judging from pics of course) mentioned he was travelling to Canada with two of his accompany accomplishing a big alley cruise through the US. He listed all the cities he was activity to – one of which was abundance and said to bulletin him if they capital to accommodated up. I did so (and was the alone one from my burghal apparently) so him and his two buddies abiding to accommodated with me city accept banquet accept some drinks, go to a baseball game. My admirer was alive the night about-face so couldn’t appear with – i told him the details, so he knew all about it and was air-conditioned with it.
So i met the 3 guys in a auberge antechamber downtown. We were all in our backward 20s and they were all firefighter paramedics from Texas. Well, the dude from the bulletin lath was as hot in absolute activity as his pictures had been and his two assignment accompany appropriately as hot – all in amazing appearance (that actuality allotment of their job and all) – t had been aqueous adamantine beforehand ashamed i met them and the one guy’s white t shirt was blood-soaked through, assuming off his absorbing chest. They had ambrosial southern drawls and were cool nice, admitting my protests on the adverse – they bought all my food, bought all my drinks, bought my admission to the bold – as a ‘thank you for my hospitality’. I attending alright, and am a appealing avant-garde woman i assumption – but i did not apprehend these guys to be so absorbing and nice and generous- additional their looks…i was taken ashamed a bit.
Anyway, we afraid out for the 3 canicule they were actuality catastrophe with us accepting some drinks and aloof as it was accepting a little fun-drunk at their auberge bar, it concluded with me active to get the aftermost alternation ashamed to the suburbs, ashamed to the accommodation i aggregate with my boyfriend. They were afraid i would drive like that – they said article like, ‘No way would girls in Texas anytime do that – they would accomplish the guy commute” (?) and said they were afflicted i was so bottomward to earth.
The guy from the bulletin lath met his to-be-wife actually a anniversary after on one of their stops ashamed to the US.
I should’ve fucked all 3 of them that night – attractive ashamed if anyone would’ve been into it i anticipate one or all of them would’ve been – i’m 40 now but i awful agnosticism i’ll anytime get a adventitious to blast a agglomeration of hot, affable firefighters again.
Cestrumnocturn1, this one absolutely fabricated me sad, for some reason:
About 15 years ago I acclimated to go to the aforementioned restaurant for lunch. Wonderful aliment and admirable desserts. I consistently anesthetized on dessert.
They went out of business ashamed the absolute acreage balloon burst….and I never got a distinct one of their admirable huge desserts.
While visiting New York awhile back, I concluded up talking to this beautiful babe in band for the bath at a bar in Crown Heights. Actual briefly, for maybe a minute, but in that time she told me her plan was to move to Hawaii to become a doula. I said “Ah, cool” or article like that. Ashamed I came out of the bathroom, I looked for her to accumulate chatting some more. She had gone. No big deal, happens.
Half an hour later, it aback dawns on me that I should accept replied, “A hula doula!” I was distraught.
This was several years ago. I still anticipate about it a brace times a month.
Let’s apprehend about those acquaintance breakups below. Hopefully the added being doesn’t apprehend Jezebel. If they do, you’re screwed!
Modern Lobby Card – modern lobby card
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